Huh, the man I love has Asperger's Syndrome.

I was talking to my therapist and she concluded after much discussion about the maybe-boyfriend, that he has Asperger's.  I suspected as much but still, it was a shock to realize she might be right. 
It's scary to think of the implications...children with some level of autism? Running a household alone? Not having my guy there during a crisis? These are the things dangled by authors and commenters of books. 
It's easy to counter all of these things.  I don't know if he will be my primary partner.  All things considered, he'd be happier being my secondary boyfriend with none of the labels or environmental changes to worry about.  My guy is capable of being there for a crisis if I tell him exactly what I need.  He is more than capable of living on his own, more than me.
This is hard...it's really hard. 
I really love the guy.

Wow

Ever have one of those days where you feel pain all over your body, from the top of your head to the innards of your guts?  This is definitely one of those days.  I can't tell if the pain precedes the emotional agony or vice versa.  However, most days, it's endurable.  I just kinda wish I had a hug. 

Not that I didn't get an offer for some company; I had two, one to a fashion show thingy, another, a guy invited me over.  I disregarded the fashion show and I reminded the guy of his laundry waiting for some time.  I somewhat regret not taking anyone up on their offer.

At least I got my art exhibit entries in.  I'm pretty proud of them. 

I try not to dwell on the pain.  I need not to.  I feel the need to get everything else in order.  But perhaps, it's time to get the basics down.
 

Desire for a man or a woman

I listened to a podcast that said a man ought to want to feel the palpable desire of a woman for him. 

I think I hit the nail on the head when I say...very few men inspire that palpable desire from me.  This fact makes my slutty side pause.  Without desire, the basic urge and neediness for this particular person's thoughts, respect and well-being, sex is just rutting in pleasure, for sure.  But an empty pleasure like cotton candy...a lot of pretty, fancy crystals that melts away prettily in my mouth, leave not much but a stomach full of dyed sugar. 

Thank goodness I have some okay friends who respect women.