When the guy you love can't let you stay the weekend without him...

...it's most likely a good thing.  I would rather stay somewhere else.  At least 5 guys in the area would let me crash, just because of the size of my boobies alone.

But it's not easy to shrug off the aching feeling that rises with the knowledge that he can't share his apartment with me...ever.  That feeling likes to morph into the idea that he doesn't like me.  And from that 'he doesn't like me' pain, comes the feeling of being used.  Overall, it's all a slopbucket of disappointment, coating my body in a familar odor of shame. 

It's hard to love a guy who doesn't want to share his apartment with me.  The only other guy who I know went through this, stopped talking to me because I asked him to stop talking about his girlfriend.  His girlfriend only wanted him to tell her that he wanted her in his life, his apartment, as his wife.  I know he will never trust her and yet, he doesn't want to let go.  He would rather that I sympathize with his frustrations of the demands on his freedom, his precious freedom.  I hope he lives his life in the satisfaction of his freedoms.

Why do I choose to love M?  I can't imagine not loving him.  And yet, I know one day, I will be fed up with his inability to say 'I love you', his inability to ask me to move in, his inability to ask me to be his wife.  And when that happens, I know I will never settle for a guy who can't do those things. 

And that time hasn't happened yet.  So let me enjoy my relationship, the imperfect one with its moments of joy.

Random hair tips from woman in courthouse bathroom

After showering and air drying, apply serum onto hair to keep moisture in.  Avoid grease. Get Surlurm, a thick leave in conditioner, brush it in.  Wavy hair makes it hard for natural oils to travel down the hair shaft.  Keratin without formadehyde is best as a treatment.  Check out beauty supply stores for the products.

Getting the elderly kicked out of jury duty, one creep at a time

If I come off mean with my title, please feel free to replace the word 'elderly' with 'attractive' or 'giddy' or the 'cheerleaders'.  This guy happened to be much older...and with some major boundary issues.

Thankfully, the lawyers kicked him off the juror panel.  They gave me the option of leaving or staying.  I in my 'Due South-ish' way, chose to stay to perform my civic duty...and I also didn't want to receive any privileges because of this unfortunate incident that went beyond what it ought to because I get pissed pretty easily as of late.

Is it all the easy sex?
Is it medication?
Is it me being hormonal?
Damn, am I preggers?
Damn, look at me, I'm back in my head :)

Unrequited?

It sucks to be in love with a man who doesn't feel the intensity of love, just the mild flicker of affection.  Can I live with knowing he doesn't feel the same way about me?  Is it fair for an artist who feels the scope of emotions to want a layman to feel the same way toward her?  Is the mild flicker the best it's ever going to get for him?  Is this his equivalency of love?

I got approached by a guy on the dance floor, I thought he was into my gf.

I got approached by a guy who followed us out the door.  I thought he was into my gf.

So yeah.

Nerd lover...and curious

I accept that I have a preference for a guy who doesn't have good game, has the drive to be intellectually better than his peers and may engage in activities that require more mental reflection.  But does this kind of guy produce a certain kind of child?  Would they be into the things that I don't have any interest in...like cosplay or manga or 12 sided dice?  I'm curious.

Feeling low about myself

PUG: who wouldn't be lucky to have you??  seriously!

you're absolutely gorgeous

you've very intelligent

wonderful, quirky personality (fun)

very sexual/kinky

want me to go on?

me:  yeah

PUG:  you are, in many respects, my ideal woman and i really think anyone lucky enough to have you should make sure you know it every day

you are the woman that all others should be compared against as something to strive to be

and i'm not waxing hyperbole here

Love

Today I told Mord that I love him.  I plan on telling him that more though I know he will not say it back.  Why would I do a crazy thing like that?  The fact is, i'm plenty uncomfortable saying it, but I also am more uncomfortable with the fact that I hide myself.  I hide my deep emotions and for good reason.  But if I can't declare myself to my best friends, I might as well not have them in my life.  Mord may not love me the way that I love him.  However, telling him that I love him regardless of his emotional status, is my selfish way of insisting that I'm going to not hide from the truth.