Winding down

It's been a heck of a year.

1. I lost 35 lbs and it keeps going.
2. Getting laid off the first job where people actually want me to stick around.
3. Went to New Jersey and didn't entertain suicidual thoughts (not joking around about this because of 4).
4. My best friend's sister killed herself, impacting my friend's and my life. She showed me how much self-hatred can eat away at a soul.
5. Started dating for the first time... it needs to be like chocolate. Partaken a little at a time, not daily.

Only ones I can think of.

I've been so tired...I'm happy I skipped hopping on WoW last night and hung out with a friend.

One Liners

I've been whittling down my Favorites at work and looking over drafts of posts that I never published for some reason or another or they simply speak for themselves. I'm labeling them "One Liners".

Detached

Oh ho boy, yes it's been a while since I posted. I need to get back on my meds in a bad way. It's not that I've been particularly down but I've had to exercise a lot more mindfulness in what I do because of what my therapist likens it to an irrational chemical flood that occurs as a conditioned response to most everything in my life.

I decided to write to keep track of my sickness. It's allergies. Like, please kill me allergies. First two weeks, I was sniffing, sneezing with dripping nose all the time. Third week, my throat was killing me and I couldn't sleep because of the pain that built up in my ear but wasn't actually an ear ache or an infection of my tonsils. Fourth week, my friend gets me some Biaxin for a week and the pain goes away but the dripping and coughing is non-stop. Fifth week, I'm gasping for breath. It's not pleasant to slur my words but be cognizant of it.

So I go to a "real" doctor (as opposed to my friend, the ER doctor) and he broke it down for me. I have allergies and may have had some respiratory complications with mono and bronchitis but that I have to deal with allergies which may occur with mold and/or the fire next door which I can still smell. So I'm eating my cortisones (Prednisone) and sniffing my Patanase and Flonaze and thinking, wow, I've been miserable for 5 weeks because of allergies. I'd like a HEPA air filterer like right now but the one I have my eye on is $350. I'm so freaking miserable with the scent of caustic chemicals up my delicate tissues. Ugh.

So that's my sickness story yay! I may be scared of every thing else in my life but I can think clearer now yay!

I called my temp agency, let them know that I'm getting let go on the 31st, and am excited at the possibility of getting money.

I got invited to a New Year's Eve Party being thrown by the same ER doctor friend. I hate her for using a placebo but it didn't hurt so eh. Anyways, I'm relieved and saddened. I hate indulging in fuck buddy sessions. I end up paying the price with little chunks of my heart with my incessant thinking, "Why am I in this situation again?" Fucking isn't necessarily an unpleasant situation and it's all on the outlook but I'd really like to try something different for once. It's boring and not as illict as it could be. In fact, monogamy is a lot more scarier :P

Don't get me started on WoW.

The purity of rage

Sent at 1:52 PM on Friday
nychenzo44: hi

me: yo

nychenzo44: how is work

me: sleepy

nychenzo44: aww
want some lovin from me and my girl

me: no, you skank. Who wants to sleep with a stranger?

nychenzo44: lol i know

me: then why are you asking? I clearly don't want a fuck buddy.

me: Can you tell me why you would think I would jump on your dick at any chance without even talking to you face to face and gauging whether you're good people?

Is it something in my face?

me: Does my face scream, "Oh hey, you know, this is the kind of girl who would love to be indiscriminate with the fellas and the ladies and whoa, she's also into being open!"

Did ya ever think that maybe I was a devout Catholic or that I teach children nature walks?

BLOCK

One Liners: Midnight Launch Party

I realized I had jotted down a first sentence for a post and then never publish it. I'm going to just put it out there now :P

I arrived at Best Buy at 6pm on the dot where I glided (or cholomped in my
4 inch heels) to pre-order my Collector's Edition.

Losing weight like crazy

I've decided to engage in the ego-bruising gang-bang called "dating". And in this "dating", there are plenty of dicks, a few wimps, and very rarely, nice guys with common interests.

Worst thing is, I can't assuage my poor little ego with comfort food because I'm on a dehydrated food/ powder diet. I've lost 10 lbs in one week. Unfortunately, I am a very tired chica too. Because holy shit, I got some crazy stuff that's been going down and I can barely type out this.

Because I compromised my bladder, I'm gonna pee (long story). Hope my children never read this.

LOL old tankspot blog entry taking it down.

Not PG-13: IM with Guildie and Me
Posted 04-08-2008 at 02:06 PM

Warning: No real WoW Topics. Very Fourth Wall Busting. Discussions of non-traditional lifestyles and blatant disregard for the mortal sin of pre-martial, casual sex. The easily offended, please turn away.I'm considering a matchmaking service which is a thousand bucks. Considering that my needs are a bit different, I could think of it as a fair investment.
Me - Me
G - Guildie
G2 - Another guildie

Me: I want a guy who is secure with me flirting with other men, I'd like to meet a cuckoldG: what is cukhold?Me: a guy who likes knowing that his significant other is sexually engaged with other peopleG: well most men tend to get very.. posesive of thier women, Me: I'm not going to be with a guy like thatG:well no of course not, but i imagine it would be very diffucult to find a man that is comfortable like that. He would have to be very secure, and most men aren'tMe: then wish me luckG: i do wish you luck i want you to be happy. i am not 100% on the matchmaker thing thoMe: I'm not sold on it either but it's definitely something to think aboutG: is the money upfront, or only after you have found a matchMe: after the interview and she starts you with dates right awayG: hmm, that is interesting----------------------------------------------Me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CuckoldG: so, would he be allowed to have a sexual relationship with other women?Me: I would allow it. I like being the female version. The thought is very very hot to meG: so essentially, you want a committed open relationshipG: i think the idea of my gf fucking another man is hot.. she'd never do it, but i think its hotMe: So you understand the appealG: i think its a hot idea, i don't know how i would feel at the actual time. i think i'd be alright tho, i don't really feel like the jealous person G: at least i don't think i amG: hmm, i'd have to think about that----------------------------------------------Me: G2 is laughing at me about it, I'm like whateverG: that is exactly the thing to do, just say whateverMe:I don't know why he keeps saying "good luck with that"; it's been like three timesG: well, alot of men wouldn't be ok with itMe: I wouldn't fuck him based on his reaction----------------------------------------------G: i certainly think that you deserve to be happy, and i can understand the appeal of it Me: hehe it's good to know what I wantG: and you never know IF it will work, till you are in that kinda situation. Its all thoretical till thenG: what i can pick upon, is that you crave a dedicated romantic relationship, but you are very sexually aware and enjoy sex, and don't feel that being in a relationship should hinder that.G: its minju in 3 lines----------------------------------------------Me: okay I'd fuck you based on your ideas about fucking alone G: how did you come to this conclusion?Me: because I rather fuck people who are like-mindedMe: even though republicans can be hotMe: like a I-don't-like-your-ideals-but-I-can-understand-them-if-i-were-in-your-social/economic-status-so-let's-fuck-anyways fucking