Using my imagination as a raiding pally tank

Btw, I realized that I had posted this site onto an all WoW Blog RSS Feed and would like to take it off. If you should happen to read this, I'd appreciate a comment to let me know what the website is.

I realize that I've been really really grumpy while playing due to real life frustration with job searching, figuring out a new career, getting over yet another unrequited person, grad school, depression and anxiety hitting a very new low (I've been taking medication), family, clutter, etc. Plus, libido went kaput. Which is distressing. Not that there's really anyone I'd like to get it on with. I have options but it's like refusing milk chocolate to hold out for some lovely dark chocolate. Sure the milk chocolate will get that textural silkness and roasted flavor but most milk chocolates smell cloyingly and not in a good way. Dark chocolate...yumm, I so went off topic here. In short, holding out for something better is usually a better choice for me.

This article from WowInsider.com has inspired me to dream up a character for my paladin tank. I've been told that she's the closest character I have that resembles me, except for all that white hair. And truly she's probably the most like me personality wise. A champion for others, self-sacrificing to a fault, flexible and decisive when it comes to protecting others. I do feel a kinship to her cause because hell yeah, I'd sign up to be a paladin if it was a real career.

I wonder what she would ask me right now.

Min: Why do you have so much inner turmoil?
Me: I got this discord between wanting to tank and not being taken advantage of.
Min: Ahh so you're feeling taken for granted?
Me: I guess, especially with this arrival of a new pally tank recruit who doesn't put up seals all the time, doesn't use Holy Shield though he needs it, and judges Judgment of Justice. Screw that! Why I gotta show him how to do the moves? Why do I have to be patient with him when no one else really was there to show me the ropes? I did my research, I talked to other pallys, I endured hours of criticism and pain from bad-mouthing compatriots.
Min: You decided to play a paladin. Your profession is to inspire and seek justice and meditate on being patient and kind.
Me: If I wanted to be that, I would have been a priest. Oh wait, I have one, and she kicks ass. And woop, I'm here to kick ass too.
Min: From Wikipedia -

Virtue (Latin virtus; Greek ἀρετή) is moral excellence. Personal virtues are characteristics valued as promoting individual and collective well-being, and thus good by definition. The opposite of virtue is vice.

Me: Alright, I will show my grace and charity by helping. It is the only way with a fellow paladin as discouraging as it is to realize he's half-assed his way through playing.
Min: *Sigh*
Me: Oh...he's gone from the guild. I feel ashamed and weird...I didn't want him to leave really, I wanted him to learn.

Respect

There are some things worth working for and others that aren't. Gaining respect is complex, like putting together a fashionable outfit or applying au-natural makeup :) It's not something that happens off the bat.

Say words were the way to gain respect. Now equate words = facial cosmetics which range in colors, textures, depth or unique features. These words will "paint" the blank canvas that other people hold in their minds. Your tools of the trade used to convey your inner beauty or strength (i.e., powder brush, tweezers, eyelash curler, etc.): they're all different forums to enhance or emphasize your words.

There needs to be some goal, thought out carefully but quickly. Then execute it delicately; a heavy hand only points out insecurity and may falter in direction. But don't forget to throw in what makes you unique, like a dash of blue eyeliner or a deep transparent purple lip balm over an otherwise plain red mouth. It's unexpected and surprisingly, it opens a layer of vulnerability. It reveals a hidden element about yourself with its honesty and willingness to be an individual who isn't going to follow everyone else's beige vagueness.

Lightly applied, certainty where to push harder to make a point, overall consideration of how the final product will affect you and others, set it with a fine powder of self-assurance and you're good for the day. Here is the face you give to the world: it is a gift or an annoyance or invisible. You can say, "You can fuck off if you don't like this face" but if YOU are unhappy with the face you present, then YOU can only change yourself.

Perhaps I took the makeup analogy too far but really, noone is given respect off the bat. You work on it but not too hard. You do it without provocation nor expectation of rewards; it's that much more rewarding for your self-esteem. Respect for me is being heard by people willing to listen. Respect is caring about what I listen to in turn. It's about being considerate. Respect is treating others the way you want to be treated. So think about how you treat others before you start demanding more respect.