Hi John,
First off, wow, it's been a while since I logged onto this site so my apologies for responding late.
Second, I could thank you for writing a coherent and well-thought out post but let's get into the meat of things, shall we? :)
I smile at the part where you mentioned that I'm still very open about sexual activities even though I'm looking into monogamy and long-term relationships. Somehow, it didn't occur to me that those things would be divergent.
I can't say that my sexual proclivities have ever been something I've been able to withhold from anyone who asks...and believe me, the guys do broach the topic, even on the first date. For instance, I don't feel like I'm revealing that much when I admit my passion for certain activities such as pegging on a conventional matchmaking site. It's that important to me to meet someone who is just as into kinky sex. If I start talking about strapons and see a bit of wincing by a guy, I see it as a bit of a challenge because inevitably, the guy does end up being on the receiving end, whether he envisioned it or not. But whether we'd be compatible as long-term partners is another story.
I understand how easy it is to be open with strangers. I play World of Warcraft and there are millions of people who easily interact within the game. Yet once you place them in the context of meeting each other in person, there is that anxiety about rejection or judgment. There are no long-term consequences for being open about our true interests and desires with people whom we don't have to answer to or see on a daily basis. I found that there are consequences to sharing those things with the people I care about or the people who I thought that cared for me. It varies for every situation. Invariably, it all adds up to cost-benefits. Is the cost of withholding an essential part of myself worth it? Is revealing bound to subject me to rejection, possibly bigotry? In most cases, I found that the extreme reaction is rare and that most people admit themselves to feel a similar way.
I've found that I feel more connected to the human experience; more people feel the way we do about things more than they'd like to admit. I'm a lucky one that I have grown a little shameless about the taboo topics that people don't usually think about. I'm about to publicly discuss my World of Warcraft experience on-camera because I can't stand the way some people make assumptions about gamers. I feel the same way about pegging.
I try to forge a long-term friendship with my short-term partners. It never hurts to keep a sex-positive group as company. What got me to take the step into a long-term relationship was opening up to someone who I knew truly accepted me for who I was. It was painful and the relationship doesn't always go the way I want it to. But it's one of my main considerations for my application to graduate school in the DC area for next Fall. I still see other guys but I'm in love with this one. He's been wonderful about me sleeping with other guys.
Now, I feel like I'm rambling. It's been a long workday and I'm finishing up some artwork. But I do hope what I shared may be something you could use. I'd be happy to talk about relationships and sex if you're still interested.
Regards,
Susan
john wrote:
> Susan,
>
> I have seen some of your posts in the forum and I would drop you a line. There are a few things about your posts that got me thinking. You said that you were done with the casual stuff and looking for something more - intimacy. Of course, you also say some salacious things in your posts about pegging and oral.
>
> I have found myself in an interesting conundrum when it comes to relationships and sex. I have generally been a serial monogamist. But I find that while I am able to get close to the girls that a date, I find I am unable to be open with them about my interest in sexual exploration. I guess I have some sort of hang-up about revealing my proclivities in those situations.
> Which, of course, it could be argued is not full intimacy. On the other hand, I have been completely open with near strangers about my sexual interests. I have had a number of sexually adventurous partners, but they have all been short flings. What I really would like is to find a relationship that combines these two elements.
>
> Is this anything at all like your experience?
> I'm curious.
>
> Talk to you later,
> John
>
