Gummy Sneakers

I'm on the train, on my way to CBT.  I'm looking at a place that seems too good to be true. I see a guy checking me out. I wonder if it's all in my head. I shake my head. I think about the bbq once and then think bout M. And then J. And then A. Men...boys.  I should be talking; I feel like a needy child

I think about how beautiful it feels to swim topless, with or without an audience. I had a flush on my lips and cheeks, a good thing when i've been feeling sallow and drained. Energy is within my reach. Sure, it will take some gasping and sputtering. Thanks you douche for pointing it out. Ugh I feel stinky. I doubt that I am but maybe my clothes are. My nose hurts, probably from the poor air quality in this heat wave. Thank science for air conditioning. The subway is cool and calming, like an artificial breeze. I decide I will miss the MTA because of their awesome A/C. The DC Metro has a more antiquated cooling system...but at least it works. Train of thought, boxes, packing, mess, jury, check, moving, id, what to do, contact, find peace, moving in August? I don't want to. I wish I knew what to do. I wish someone else would do the work. I wish I had an ice capp, lars, art, so much for a summer of art making, tripping, falling, smoosh, blood on the tracks washing away, water below splishing, pain, ghosts, making headway, chest, men, folks, new yorkers, sex, obsession, virgins, cute, tall, handsome, headset not on, dumb phone, dim me, wood chips.